Yesterday I turned Thirty Nine years old, for me it was a celebration of first, last, and forever.
It’s last because, like everyone else who marks the last year of a decade, (particularly the one in which if I live a really long life, say 79–80), it’s half-way over. I don’t grieve this but it is a serious reminder that life is a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. I want to finish well and it seems like I have not done much yet, though I hope I have been planting seeds in the right fields.
It’s a first too, as this is the first birthday that I have ever had without my dad being alive to celebrate it with me. It’s not that he was always able to actually spend the day with me, though he did that many times, but the fact that there will be no phone call, no card – not even a few days late, he already gave me everything he ever will. His shadow upon the earth has past and I miss it.
Though tears are flowing as I write, not having had a whole lot of time to grieve his loss, I focus on eternity, because there I haven’t lost him and I have hope that we will meet again, and it will be better than ever. It will be forever.